New Objective

I'm not regularly blogging here anymore. So I've decided to use this space to remind myself of the ideas that I normally forget after going to bed.

Idea #1 today: Using lasers to power stirling motors. Could be a way to transmit energy without power lines, and have the stirling motors convert it back to usable household energy. Would need one low powered guidance laser for positioning, and an array of high powered lasers.

Idea #2: Test the Theory of Multiple Intelligences against various counseling methods to find correlations. I.e., social group counseling vs art therapy for social and visual intelligences. Anger management vs psychotherapy for kinesthetic and interpersonal intelligences.

RNC Madlibs

"Ladies and [moose], I stand before you tonight not to [drill, baby, drill] but to [reform]. Because I don't [drill, baby, drill] for the [God], I [country first] the [country first] until it [troops]. Thank [maverick] and God bless [moose]."

We'll miss you Orson.

James and Amy's little buddy passed away last night. He'll be sorely missed.
(Rosebud)

The coolest bike parking lot in the world!

Dear God,

The other night, James Dobson's organization asked all believers to pray for a storm on Thursday night so that the Obama acceptance speech outdoors in Denver would have to be canceled.

I see that You have answered Dr. Dobson's prayers -- except the storm You have sent to earth is not over Denver, but on its way to New Orleans! In fact, You have scheduled it to hit Louisiana at exactly the moment that George W. Bush is to deliver his speech at the Republican National Convention.

Now, heavenly Father, we all know You have a great sense of humor and impeccable timing. To send a hurricane on the third anniversary of the Katrina disaster AND right at the beginning of the Republican Convention was, at first blush, a stroke of divine irony. I don't blame You, I know You're angry that the Republicans tried to blame YOU for Katrina by calling it an "Act of God" -- when the truth was that the hurricane itself caused few casualties in New Orleans. Over a thousand people died because of the mistakes and neglect caused by humans, not You.

Some of us tried to help after Katrina hit, while Bush ate cake with McCain and twiddled his thumbs. I closed my office in New York and sent my entire staff down to New Orleans to help. I asked people on my website to contribute to the relief effort I organized -- and I ended up sending over two million dollars in donations, food, water, and supplies (collected from thousands of fans) to New Orleans while Bush's FEMA ice trucks were still driving around Maine three weeks later.

But this past Thursday night, the Washington Post reported that the Republicans had begun making plans to possibly postpone the convention. The AP had reported that there were no shelters set up in New Orleans for this storm, and that the levee repairs have not been adequate. In other words, as the great Ronald Reagan would say, "There you go again!"

So the last thing John McCain and the Republicans needed was to have a split-screen on TVs across America: one side with Bush and McCain partying in St. Paul, and on the other side of the screen, live footage of their Republican administration screwing up once again while New Orleans drowns.

So, yes, You have scared the Jesus, Mary and Joseph out of them, and more than a few million of your followers tip their hats to You.

But now it appears that You haven't been having just a little fun with Bush & Co. It appears that Hurricane Gustav is truly heading to New Orleans and the Gulf coast. We hear You, O Lord, loud and clear, just as we did when Rev. Falwell said You made 9/11 happen because of all those gays and abortions. We beseech You, O Merciful One, not to punish us again as Pat Robertson said You did by giving us Katrina because of America's "wholesale slaughter of unborn children." His sentiments were echoed by other Republicans in 2005.

So this is my plea to you: Don't do this to Louisiana again. The Republicans got your message. They are scrambling and doing the best they can to get planes, trains and buses to New Orleans so that everyone can get out. They haven't sent the entire Louisiana National Guard to Iraq this time -- they are already patrolling the city streets. And, in a nod to I don't know what, Bush's head of FEMA has named a man to help manage the federal government's response. His name is W. Michael Moore. I kid you not, heavenly Father. They have sent a man with both my name AND W's to help save the Gulf Coast.

So please God, let the storm die out at sea. It's done enough damage already. If you do this one favor for me, I promise not to invoke your name again. I'll leave that to the followers of Dr. Dobson and to those gathering this week in St. Paul.

Your faithful servant and former seminarian,

Michael Moore

Back to Work

As many of you know, my truck was stolen over the summer. That means I'm riding my bike to and from work, which is about 15 miles away. But when God gives you AIDS, you have to make lemonaids. So I'm using this opportunity to train for a Triathlon. Really. I think it'll be fun. 

The good thing is, I'm saving about $60 a week in gas. I also sold another ditty to Jack Daniels, and was contacted by Jim McMahon, producer of feature film Ciao, letting me know the film's been picked up for a theatrical release, and that a check is in the mail for a song I contributed. That means I can either save for a car, buy a better bike for the triathlon, or pay tuition. I'll probably pay tuition.

In other news, the new Theater Fire album is almost out.... Spiral Dallas has an awesome new Meatloaf blueplate.... and Valerie, Nick, and Cammi's magazine article is online. It features my nephews! 

Point Break

I'm glad that, as the United Nations and French President Nicolas Sarkozy head to Moscow to negotiate peace options between Russia and Georgia, our President is focusing on a far more pressing conflict: the US Women's Volleyball Team VS Japan. We got creamed in the second match but pulled through in the third and fourth... and thank God because we really cannot let these shorties forget Pearl Harbor. That's #1 on the foreign policy agenda as far as I'm concerned. And any President worth his salt should keep this in mind.

And, while we're on the subject... I'd like to point out that the photos that appeared on the front page of every major newspaper recently of the "missile tests" that Iran supposedly used to intimidate Israel, appear to have some digital redundancies. Look closely at this enlargement: